being an ICTL teacher...hahahah

see the thing is....my friend has been complaining how am i an ICTL teacher yet i rarely updata my blog....hahahha....so the thing is that i'm not really an ICTL teacher..but the school believe that it is my best subject to teach since i'm quite good with computers....anyway...that's not really true though...i only know a bit...being a humble me...hahhaa...i mean really...i'm not that good..well...i've spread my knowledge anyway...now i know how to use the microsoft publisher...hehehheh...anyway...i'm still learning....so as my friend requested...this is the pamphlet i made using the publisher....

and this one too....there is a story behind this two....and i'm not proud of it....

 anyway...i love making this as long as is not a last minute task...hahah....and also i like making bookmarks....and in some ohter day...i like thinking about them and how i'd like to make them...hahhahha....so far i'm just going for the old ways, the usual kind of bookmarks... and for that i've downloaded lots of picture and images just to have new ones and maybe the ones that related to it....

and i've also downloaded lots of new fonts....hahahha....loading them is a lot of work too....anyway i do enjoy it very much....hahahhahaa...and oh yeay....i did this only using microsoft word....hahahahhah



 

you've got to be kidding....

i have start my day as the usual today.... so how come this happen....i mean come on....this one not supposed to happen..especially to me....how kind i've been to you and this is what i get....you've gotto be kidding....you're joking right?....god.....how can i explain this....i am not supposed to to think and dream of you...and yet you came to my life and my dream...so how can i not think of you then....and yet you ignored me....just to make me feel misery......it's not that i'm miserable without you.....it gave me a pain in my mind and heart....please do understand....you do know what....hmmmmm

 

it is official geng....

so this is how this going to be....i know it's not that official...but i'm making it official k....hahahha.....so what is that i'm making it offical....hmmm...just that i have a lot of work and i'm gaining weight well according to my clothes that's it...hmmm....so what to do now....i know that i need to finish off my work....but you're making it harder because i miss you...i wanted to be pampered by you...only you....but you keep busying for stuffs....hmmm...anyway....hoping that i'll get your attention...i need that for somehow...really...i need your full atention....i want to be spoiled by you...please do....i miss you....


 

aaarrrggghhhhhh.....

not everything as what we see it is....sometimes it is much bigger than life itself...ya...bla bla blaaa...i want soem explanation please....why do you do the thing you do?....i mean....we are supposed to cooperate so that our lives would be a bit better somehow....and yet you make things complicated....aaaaarrgghhhh....


 

i'd like that a lot....

.....okay...this is really i favor a lot k...i mean...i really appreciate it if i get compliment once a lifetime from him....made me on top of the world....i'd really like that a lot...really....i mean...this person never really compliment me or anything...but that one fine day he said it...it was a really sincere one....this time i recognized it....i don't really know if they are sincere or not...but this one...i know....hihihihihi....anyway..there are lots of things that i'd like....maybe later i'll kiss and tell....hahahahahh

 

feeling the butterfly in my stomach....

supposedly, this feelings i have should have been gone years ago.....but funny....it's still here when ever i think about it...hahahahahhaha....anyway....i do love this feeling, just because it made me feel 20years younger...hahahahhahah.....so about suicide....maybe not really my thing...but always thinking about it whenever i'm stressed out or depressed.....anyway....will talk myself out of it.....may god bless me......and all the people i love....


 

let's start over....

people had me thinking.....somethings are not that complicated....so make it simple and start over.....i like to think that everything has it's reason...god made it that way because he has his reason....so...all i have to do....tawakal.....and let things be on their way....insyaAllah...everything will be fine.....reminding a friend is also a way of reminding ourselves.......


 

still here....

adui......sedihnya.......btullah ni bh.....tak bisa aku mlupakan dirimu...huhuhuhuuk...right now still not over things i not over with.......i'm guessing that's why i'm still here...not moving anywhere.....

 

not loving it....

i'm 100% totally not liking it....not even loving it.....i hate this stress i'm having....always feeling like to blow up....i'm just tired.....and now...how many times have i feel like dying young...but still want to live the life i'm living now...even if it's so stressing and making me depressing about stuff that might not even matter....this is so beyond stupid...i hate it when i can't blow up, when i needed to blow up.....aaargghhh.....


 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA......

I'M SO STRESSED OUT AND STILL STRESS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA........................don't he get that....why i'm shutting down.....why  i'm not gaining anymore weight...i really hate it....i don't even want to be here anymore......god just take me with you...i beg of you....I BEG OF YOU....people may not sees how stress and depress i am about stuffs....i juat wanna die.....i pray that i even die in my sleep....i cant handle this anymore.....

craving.....

craving....hmmm.....so what else should i be craving for...other than food and him...hmmm....i should be craving for His blessings right...it has been very long....hmm....have not been a very good follower i might say...hmmm....but still i craved for food.....it comforts me the most...
 

a little here and there

i've been thinking lately.....it has been a very long since i started to think about....it just slipped my mind from time to time....anyway.....i do need a little bit of this and that to complete my complicated feelings...some people may not established as the things that i supposed i need indeed...but it is the kind of things most of people should have...like conscious....a lot of people may not aware of their inner conscious....some people just go with it......i prefer to do as i feel and please...not really lah..... that may lead me to more confusion in my life....with me knowing it...my conscious always tell me not to go there...and yet...a little bit here and there...it has conclude me to go to that decision.....i have not use the word decision in a long time...i have been following under someone order lately...maybe for the rest of my life that is.....anyway..that little thing here and there made it somehow clear to me to hold things up and let it be, let things the way they are and sooner or later...things may turn up better than i imagine.....because it's a little bit here and a little bit there, there is....so there it is....somethings are meant  to be let...so then let it be...right....crossing my fingers over things...hope things will turn up well.....amin....

i hate this feelings i have....

i really don't like that....FYI...the previous post may not be related to the  previous topic...hahahhaha...anyway...like to conclude..i miss it...and i hate the feelings i have about it...really....i don't like it....why...i don't really know....anyway...need to move on now...some people may not understand this...even if it's about them i'm talking about...so what the hell....
 

I MISS ALL OF IT...

GOSH......THIS CAPS LOCK MAKES ME WONDER...TILL WHEN I'M UPDATING DATA AND DATAS....SO STRESSED OUT....so...let's discuss about this.....updating stuffs.....he's mad at me for being mad at him...and ignoring me was a way of punishing me for being mad at himmm...so what....i mean...really...why on earth would he be mad at me for such silly things that i don't even recognize that made him mad...hmmmm....anyway...things may have been out of hand lately...anyway....the way i handled it...was sleep on it....and it didn't do anything good to it...so next time need to remind myself not to sleep on it....so now....i have tons of works to do....yet still being such a lazy bump about it.....people may not care about what i say and do ...still i like and love it....so what.....

 

fragile.....

i'm being this because you made me do it....being fragile...not really my thing.....although some people may see tough at most of the time....but i'm sooooo.... fragile kinda person......but never under estimate that i'm as a weak....as i am strong that you may not realize how strong i can be at most of the time.....yet....my heart is easily break down.....but not my spirit....hihihi....but does me being fragile made you realize how i want you to support me in every way possible?....i want to know that i miss you, i want you.....not as much i need you when i needed you most.....being sulky as i can be....still you ignore me......i want you know that my heart broke to pieces when you did that...however....i'm being strong for you to be there and be strong for me too....i do hope you see that in  me....

 

i know......

so....it has been out there now.....so i know...and somehow i knew that it would not be great of a deal...so what....i'm young at heart....you cant do anything about it except say about it and like i care enough about what you said about me....go to your room....hahhahahah....i mean really.....anyway...at least i know now that at least someone do read this emo blog of mine.....anyway..that's how i like it to be....my feelings that i cant tell much about to anyone in my life.....so i'm bragging it to you...poor you...sorry...i'm so sorry for not thinking of how others would think...sorry about that and sorry about being young at heart...who gives a damn....my.....i really don't want to write longer than i possibly can at this hour...so later....anyway....i miss you...you know who you are...even if you're not reading this....hihihihi....

 

'MAGNOLIA PERT GIVEAWAY 2012'

trying my luck this year.....never ever been lucky but always try to be lucky in everything including love....

hoping someday will be my luck....


 

i need you...

when i need you.....
i just close my eyes and i see you....

now...these two lines lyrics are from a song....i forgot the title...anyway.....i really like this song...like to dedicate it someone who obviously matter to me....by all means.....i need this someone....and yet doesn't seem to realize that somehow....so....let's do a conclusion for today.....i need you to hear and listen to my words, i need you console my busy mind, i need you just to be there for me as i would be there for you too....
 

10 years back....

you have always knew right?....you have taken me back 10 years.....i never knew that i would still act the same in front of you.....but this is all in my dream.....or reality....i don't know anymore....but how i wish i could go back 10 years back...hihihi.....time brings old memories....hihihiihi
 

losing it....

dont take it the wrong way k.....not about me losing myself to the work stress...but that i was still thinking and counting the numbers of people that claimed me losing weight...not that i'm thrilled...i do...just that..i tend to eat more than usual...huhuhu...and would freak me out sometimes....so in the end my weight remain the same.....although people may still thought that i'm losing weight....hehehehe....so...but..actually...i am losing it...i cant handle stress....because in the end i ended up not doing anything...then none of my work is done...not even halfway done....huuhuhuh...what to do....i need some help to manage my work arrangement i think...huhuhuh...help me.....

 

so much.....

there's is so much of the so much things...hihihi......so much in love...so much hate.....so much work...huhuuuh....so much work for these days....then...i have so much stress....people around me dont see that as much of nothing.....sometimes....i really feel like dying....staying up late...but then in the end...it is still not done....so then...it's another dying day to finish up that task....even though that i'm light headed now...but i'.m still heavily burden with so much tasks...not even done with others...then come another task...huhuuhhu.....people may see me not working...but i'm working my ass, brain and heart off....hopefully i'll survive it.....

 

hoping for you to always love me no matter what....

'I LOVE YOU'.... that would be the three words that has magical power to soothe every hearts to melt....i love you...this could also destroy a person if he or she heard it from the person he or she loves for someone else other than him or her...i don't want that to happen to me....that would break my heart...just by you telling me that you love someone else...that would tear me apart....hoping you'll always love me no matter what....

i wonder how this feeling i have for you exist....thank god....for you i've live on....

being so lazy...

being so lazy nowadays are my trend of showing off my talent being lazy....and that would be protesting against my own work...hihihih....i really don't have the mood to do them all....it has been piling up that i don't even know where to start or even have the heart to them.....i'm just being a lazy bum....hihihihi....

so then...this occur to me that i should manage my time for job and self and family....so....yet...i haven't really decided yet as i'm being so much in lazy...also in love with my boys.....hoping you're always remember that i'm doing the best i can to love more than anything....hopefully until my time comes....

lately i have been feeling the stress over work that has and still is piling up....i just hope that this doesn't effect my health and mentally....somehow...just thinking about all the work make me nervous that i think i might just die from doing all that work....i really do feel that....well...i guess i'm to have my sleep....and oh ya...i also been lacking lots of sleep...and feel so exhausted....and making me feel so lazy....huhuhuhu....

 

new template for me...

as i was browsing through my blogger draft....there it was tempting to press and try a new template...then i try it out but then i accidentally and innocently press apply...huhuhuhu...then there it goes my old template with my dear photo of my loved ones...huhuhuhuuh...so...anyway...this new one seems not bad at all...so i'm good with this template...hihiihh

so....i'd like to talk about today.....today...i'm so mentally and emotionally tired....very exhausting....so many thing to be done...in the end...i refuse....refuse to do it all....and i ended up doing something else other than my work.....stress....a word that i'd like to avoid using everyday but ended up using it anyway....hahahahha.....this is so ****** **....(not allowing to curse)hihihi.....

lately...people been accusing me losing weight......hihih...tq...although i weigh myself and still the same numbers appear....hmmm....i don't know what happened actually...maybe because of my work stress...hmmmm....i really want and wish for a nice vacation from all of this hectic work.....but like to do all the best for myself....may i have a bless health....

 

leap year....

it's leap year...yeay...finally i have been waiting for this....so it has been 4 years now.....huhuhuhuuh.....and this leap year....i get to celebrate it 3days...28, 29 feb and 1 march....but he didn't remember...i dont know....maybe we got caught up with so much work.....huhuhuhu....anyway....happy anniversary to us bang...i love u and ours...
 

how...?

as i woke up today...and every other day....i miss you even more....it hurts my pride to see myself missing so much everyday.....hoping you'll be missing me too....hoping you'll be remembering me all of your time.....i want for you always to be reminded or me.....i know that's a bit to selfish of me...but i can't help it...this is my heart talking....now my head talking to me.....he's always beside you even if you didn't notice it.....you're waking up next to him.....remember that he will always love you.....remember that...no one else will love you like he does...remember that.....
 

still confuse...

so....some people do believe in love and second chances....so now what do i think about it?...hmmmm..so do i really want second chances in love?...hmmm..maybe that depends....on how do i want to be....but i rather want second chances in life...so that i wont be making any bad choices...not that my choices now are bad....just that i want it to be more alright not i dont want any regrets later...i think.....as in love.....i may not want it so much...i kinda over thinking about it....thinking that maybe he's been lying all the time that we were together....or maybe that he loved me with all his heart and just couldnt fight for my love anymore....i like to think like that sometimes..but in reality...he left me....he left me....so then... these question of what if have been bothering for most of the time...feeling guilty having so much happiness that it hurt most of the time......then feeling guilty having such fidelity in feelings....hmmmm....i think most of the time i'm very complicated in heart...that probably because i tend to over thinking stuffs about my feelings.....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....so confuse....sooooo...hurt.....

stresssss.....?

so it's now or never....i'm so caught up with my tons of work...i kinda doze off from writing for a while....and like the other time also...it has been a long time since i write in this blog of mine...lately i have been busy and stressing out about my tons of work....it's just never ending story for my job......see...i love my job...but with me doing something else other than my real job...i kinda left out my real job for unnecessary work which oblige me for doing so as they say that it's part of my job....so.. this my other job than real job has been tiring me out....i need some advice on how to really handle my job stress....?any suggestion readers?hihihih....

a bit better

today....i'm a bit alright for now....my day went a smooth as i wanted....and that kinda made my day a bit brighter than yesterday....yesterday was worst....wanna scream over it...cant....(afraid that i'll wake him up..hihihi)i feel funny about it for a while....so today i'm not that stressed out yet.....so much pressure i felt nowadays.....it's really killing me.....i do feel like dying=want to die actually....hmmm.....i do think i need to see a psychiatrist.. i really do think so.....so help me god from doing anything that will harm myself....

not happy....

today not so great either.....i really do hate YOU....feeling like dying already...so help me god......dont know who else to consult to.....I'M NOT HAPPY.....

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa........

so.....so long right....?it really has been so long since i wrote anything for myblog...so no one really reading this anymore...anyhow.....so many thing bulk up in my mind and heart...so many that it has been bothering me that i cried just now....it hurts just thinking about.....also feeling like giving up....i know i you do read this....you probably going to categorized my blog and words as an emo blog....aaa...i dont really care.....it's so serious that i've been thinking not once but many doing actually doing a suicide...crazy right....it's so crazy...i cant think straight anymore.....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.................i'm out cant do this now.....