i need you...

when i need you.....
i just close my eyes and i see you....

now...these two lines lyrics are from a song....i forgot the title...anyway.....i really like this song...like to dedicate it someone who obviously matter to me....by all means.....i need this someone....and yet doesn't seem to realize that somehow....so....let's do a conclusion for today.....i need you to hear and listen to my words, i need you console my busy mind, i need you just to be there for me as i would be there for you too....
 

10 years back....

you have always knew right?....you have taken me back 10 years.....i never knew that i would still act the same in front of you.....but this is all in my dream.....or reality....i don't know anymore....but how i wish i could go back 10 years back...hihihi.....time brings old memories....hihihiihi
 

losing it....

dont take it the wrong way k.....not about me losing myself to the work stress...but that i was still thinking and counting the numbers of people that claimed me losing weight...not that i'm thrilled...i do...just that..i tend to eat more than usual...huhuhu...and would freak me out sometimes....so in the end my weight remain the same.....although people may still thought that i'm losing weight....hehehehe....so...but..actually...i am losing it...i cant handle stress....because in the end i ended up not doing anything...then none of my work is done...not even halfway done....huuhuhuh...what to do....i need some help to manage my work arrangement i think...huhuhuh...help me.....

 

so much.....

there's is so much of the so much things...hihihi......so much in love...so much hate.....so much work...huhuuuh....so much work for these days....then...i have so much stress....people around me dont see that as much of nothing.....sometimes....i really feel like dying....staying up late...but then in the end...it is still not done....so then...it's another dying day to finish up that task....even though that i'm light headed now...but i'.m still heavily burden with so much tasks...not even done with others...then come another task...huhuuhhu.....people may see me not working...but i'm working my ass, brain and heart off....hopefully i'll survive it.....

 

hoping for you to always love me no matter what....

'I LOVE YOU'.... that would be the three words that has magical power to soothe every hearts to melt....i love you...this could also destroy a person if he or she heard it from the person he or she loves for someone else other than him or her...i don't want that to happen to me....that would break my heart...just by you telling me that you love someone else...that would tear me apart....hoping you'll always love me no matter what....

i wonder how this feeling i have for you exist....thank god....for you i've live on....

being so lazy...

being so lazy nowadays are my trend of showing off my talent being lazy....and that would be protesting against my own work...hihihih....i really don't have the mood to do them all....it has been piling up that i don't even know where to start or even have the heart to them.....i'm just being a lazy bum....hihihihi....

so then...this occur to me that i should manage my time for job and self and family....so....yet...i haven't really decided yet as i'm being so much in lazy...also in love with my boys.....hoping you're always remember that i'm doing the best i can to love more than anything....hopefully until my time comes....

lately i have been feeling the stress over work that has and still is piling up....i just hope that this doesn't effect my health and mentally....somehow...just thinking about all the work make me nervous that i think i might just die from doing all that work....i really do feel that....well...i guess i'm to have my sleep....and oh ya...i also been lacking lots of sleep...and feel so exhausted....and making me feel so lazy....huhuhuhu....

 

new template for me...

as i was browsing through my blogger draft....there it was tempting to press and try a new template...then i try it out but then i accidentally and innocently press apply...huhuhuhu...then there it goes my old template with my dear photo of my loved ones...huhuhuhuuh...so...anyway...this new one seems not bad at all...so i'm good with this template...hihiihh

so....i'd like to talk about today.....today...i'm so mentally and emotionally tired....very exhausting....so many thing to be done...in the end...i refuse....refuse to do it all....and i ended up doing something else other than my work.....stress....a word that i'd like to avoid using everyday but ended up using it anyway....hahahahha.....this is so ****** **....(not allowing to curse)hihihi.....

lately...people been accusing me losing weight......hihih...tq...although i weigh myself and still the same numbers appear....hmmm....i don't know what happened actually...maybe because of my work stress...hmmmm....i really want and wish for a nice vacation from all of this hectic work.....but like to do all the best for myself....may i have a bless health....

 

leap year....

it's leap year...yeay...finally i have been waiting for this....so it has been 4 years now.....huhuhuhuuh.....and this leap year....i get to celebrate it 3days...28, 29 feb and 1 march....but he didn't remember...i dont know....maybe we got caught up with so much work.....huhuhuhu....anyway....happy anniversary to us bang...i love u and ours...
 

how...?

as i woke up today...and every other day....i miss you even more....it hurts my pride to see myself missing so much everyday.....hoping you'll be missing me too....hoping you'll be remembering me all of your time.....i want for you always to be reminded or me.....i know that's a bit to selfish of me...but i can't help it...this is my heart talking....now my head talking to me.....he's always beside you even if you didn't notice it.....you're waking up next to him.....remember that he will always love you.....remember that...no one else will love you like he does...remember that.....
 

still confuse...

so....some people do believe in love and second chances....so now what do i think about it?...hmmmm..so do i really want second chances in love?...hmmm..maybe that depends....on how do i want to be....but i rather want second chances in life...so that i wont be making any bad choices...not that my choices now are bad....just that i want it to be more alright not i dont want any regrets later...i think.....as in love.....i may not want it so much...i kinda over thinking about it....thinking that maybe he's been lying all the time that we were together....or maybe that he loved me with all his heart and just couldnt fight for my love anymore....i like to think like that sometimes..but in reality...he left me....he left me....so then... these question of what if have been bothering for most of the time...feeling guilty having so much happiness that it hurt most of the time......then feeling guilty having such fidelity in feelings....hmmmm....i think most of the time i'm very complicated in heart...that probably because i tend to over thinking stuffs about my feelings.....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....so confuse....sooooo...hurt.....

stresssss.....?

so it's now or never....i'm so caught up with my tons of work...i kinda doze off from writing for a while....and like the other time also...it has been a long time since i write in this blog of mine...lately i have been busy and stressing out about my tons of work....it's just never ending story for my job......see...i love my job...but with me doing something else other than my real job...i kinda left out my real job for unnecessary work which oblige me for doing so as they say that it's part of my job....so.. this my other job than real job has been tiring me out....i need some advice on how to really handle my job stress....?any suggestion readers?hihihih....

a bit better

today....i'm a bit alright for now....my day went a smooth as i wanted....and that kinda made my day a bit brighter than yesterday....yesterday was worst....wanna scream over it...cant....(afraid that i'll wake him up..hihihi)i feel funny about it for a while....so today i'm not that stressed out yet.....so much pressure i felt nowadays.....it's really killing me.....i do feel like dying=want to die actually....hmmm.....i do think i need to see a psychiatrist.. i really do think so.....so help me god from doing anything that will harm myself....

not happy....

today not so great either.....i really do hate YOU....feeling like dying already...so help me god......dont know who else to consult to.....I'M NOT HAPPY.....

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa........

so.....so long right....?it really has been so long since i wrote anything for myblog...so no one really reading this anymore...anyhow.....so many thing bulk up in my mind and heart...so many that it has been bothering me that i cried just now....it hurts just thinking about.....also feeling like giving up....i know i you do read this....you probably going to categorized my blog and words as an emo blog....aaa...i dont really care.....it's so serious that i've been thinking not once but many doing actually doing a suicide...crazy right....it's so crazy...i cant think straight anymore.....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.................i'm out cant do this now.....

why?

it has been very long time since i've written anything that's on my mind lately on this blog of mine.....so....i guess there's a lot of thing pending right....like my post secret that i wanted to do right....i think more than 30 post..hmmmm...so what shall i do?...hmmmm....let me think about it.....anyway....i'll do them...but not right away...hehhehehe....so this thing...i hate it when you do that to me....why did you do it?why...hmmmm...tell me so that i know.....please.....huhuhuhuhuhu....i'm crying my heart out for you....why did you do that to me?....huhuhuhuhu....

#2

afraid of being alone....wandering if ever you would leave me for someone else...couldn't bear the thought of that..hoping you'll always love me for the rest of our lives...

love you like a love song....

fell in love with this song....

"Love You Like A Love Song"

[Verse 1]
It's been said and done
Every beautiful thought's been already sung
And I guess right now here's another one
So your melody will play on and on, with the best of 'em
You are beautiful, like a dream come alive, incredible
A centerfold miracle, lyrical
You've saved my life again
And I want you to know baby

[Chorus]
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

[Verse 2]
Constantly, boy you played through my mind like a symphony
There's no way to describe what you do to me
You just do to me, what you do
And it feels like I've been rescued
I've been set free
I am hypnotized by your destiny
You are magical, lyrical, beautiful
You are... And I want you to know baby

[Chorus]
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

[Bridge]
No one compares
You stand alone, to every record I own
Music to my heart that's what you are
A song that goes on and on

[Chorus]
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

I love you...like a love song...